Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Being Beautiful is HAUTE!

There’s something about a man who tells me that I’m beautiful… he makes me smile. I’ve heard a lot of conversation lately about an article that expresses a particular take on whether black women are beautiful. I must be one of a few women who thought nothing of it. In fact, I had a conversation with a few girlfriends who had different opinions about it. I just really don’t get plugged into debates like that because it’s pointless. People can have the right to their own thoughts but at the end of the day that old saying rings true “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

Well, over the course of my life I’ve had men tell me that I was attractive to them. I’ll never forget when some of them (who are fathers with daughters) would pay me the highest compliment… they told me that they wanted their girls to grow up and be just like me. When a man tells you that—it’s mind blowing because men are extremely protective of their baby girls. I often asked them why and generally it had to do with a couple of things… the fact that I live life on my own terms and I value and validate black men who allow me into their world uncensored. They respect and value my friendship often as a result of unspoken shared experiences… it’s about loyalty, trust, and bringing peace into a world full of drama and rejection.

Recently, someone reminded me that I was “Beautiful” to him and made a point to say you’re enough just the way that you are so don’t try to change based on what you think someone else wants you to be. Well, when I saw his note it made me think about something else that I read recently… when a man says you’re sexy; he’s telling you that you’re physically desirable. But when he tells you that you’re pretty… it means that you’re attractive to him. However, when he gets past those two things and looks into your heart and soul—you’re beautiful to him. Being beautiful to a man means that your entire being makes you extraordinary in ways that really matter. You’re not only pretty and sexy but you glow! Your confidence, inner vixen, charm and intelligence is a compliment to even the sexiest man on the planet—you enhance him! Think about it... why opt to use the word beautiful instead of pretty or cute :)?  

When I mentioned these thoughts to my female friends they came back with… “Do you need a man to tell you that you’re beautiful to feel it?” In response, no, I don’t need a man to tell me that because my confidence level is pretty high plus my mother and friends co-sign often, but let’s face it if a man that matters to you or that you find attractive or desirable offers a level of validation that every human-being innately seeks (because we all want to be loved and accepted as we are)… then that’s powerful. Sometimes I don’t feel pretty or cute but when someone who sees me on one of my “what I think is my not so good day” says to me I think that you look amazing… it validates me and instantly changes my view of myself. We all need cheerleaders. I think that if more black men or men who love black women told us that we’re beautiful… articles that seek to reinforce the opposite would never have some women questioning their worth, value or beauty… it wouldn’t stir anger because we already know those who truly matter will step up through their words and actions… and silence those critics . The focus instead would be on stepping into our own light and allowing our inner and outer beauty to shine with the men who love us smiling at just the thought of us!

What makes a women beautiful?


  1. What makes a woman beautiful to me is her personality. I know we focus more on the physical when it comes to beauty but I know some BEAUTIFUL women that have the worst personality and bad attitudes. To me, that makes them ugly...I know, a harsh word to use. But when a woman has inner beauty that shines outward, you can't help but to find her beautiful. A beautiful personality goes a long way. Remember...sometimes these women become the "new" girlfriend...LOL!!!

  2. I am one of those men who adores my beautiful, black wife to no end. She just happens to be the most beautiful and loving woman in the world to me and by far, the Best thing that has ever happened to me. Never sell yourself short, Marian.
    Hold out for your man of valor. There are many out there who still appreciate and support, real women regardless of their ethnicity, cultural makeup, social status or physical appearance.

    Beautiful post from a beautiful person.


  3. Awwwh! That's my Big Boo! And I LOVE him too! LOL


  4. Well, I think a lot of black women should stop seeking the validation of people but put the work in to be beautiful physically and socially. It takes A LOT of work that most sisters aren't willing to do. Beauty is simply something well done. It's health, elegance, and intelligence that is reflected in everything about you but achieving these qualities takes initiative. When black women decide to get themselves in the top physical condition, to become culturally refined and intellectual, then they'll see a difference in how the feel in the world and how the world responds to them. The reason why men don't tell many black women those things is because they're not beautiful at this point in time because they have to put the work in to be. Also they need to stop with the quick fixes such as weave and learn what it takes to don a healthy head of hair. This is all apart of beauty and health that men need to see.